I’m Thankful, Damn It!

November has not been filled with thankful spirits from this particular corner of Colorado. It’s been a crappy month. And, I feel bad about complaining and whining about it the day before Thanksgiving. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to get some of it off my chest before I need to be appropriately angelic about turkey and pecan pie.

So, let see. This month…

I dropped a flat of Diet Coke on my foot, causing me to spend three days in bed. Two days after I got back on my feet, I fell down the stairs, injuring my OTHER foot. Did I mention I’m trying to train for my first ever 5K race on Thanksgiving? Yeah, the foot injuries could have come at a better time, or at least been inflicted upon me in the operation of earth saving amazingness.

I got my first ever speeding ticket. First ever because for the first time ever, I failed to talk my way out of it.

Our tenant didn’t have the money for her rent this month and instead of being honest about it, led me on a series of wild goose chases, told me more lies than I could keep up with and finally told me that I was being immoral and illegal for the way I was handling the situation. The really fantastic thing is that for the first time in our short relationship, I WAS TOTALLY KEEPING MY COOL!

I had to decide between flying home for Christmas and Greg having heat in the truck because the tab to get the truck fixed was too much for our poor bank account.

I had to start seriously disciplining Jake for hitting people, and not in the time out way, either. I keep crying over it and hoping both that it gets easier and that it doesn’t get easier.

I had a meltdown over the high prices of freaking plane tickets and called several family members crying and whining. Sorry, Greg. And Mama.

I went to four hospitals with Jake. If you are a new friend, you should know that hospitals make me cry, dry heave and have barely controlled panic attacks. Another post coming about that soon.

I watched as a doctor rammed a tube up Jake’s nose and down his throat so they could get the test results they needed.

Jake barfed on me…well, I’ve lost count now how many times.

I’ve spent at least ten hours on the phone in the last week trying to get an appointment before Jake turns twenty for a feeding therapy appointment. Apparently, they are all rather booked up at the moment.

Jack, our stupid but evil dog, ate not one but two library books, to the tune of $20 each.

My credit card got stolen.

My credit card number, which had been kindly cancelled by our credit card company, was still on file at the YMCA and their method of notifying me that I had neglected to change my number with them was to deny me access until I paid the $20 fine. My wallet was at home, of course and Jake had already been checked into the child watch for the hour of my run. I had to go get him out again, go home, come back, check him back in, clear up my account and try to not yell at anyone about not telling me that my account was about to hit the fan the ten times I had been running at their facility between that day and the day my credit card got declined. And, somewhere in all that, I ripped my thumbnail clean off.

Had three flare ups (flares up?) of my chronic pain thing. And it’s still a mystery why every few weeks my body turns on itself and does it’s best imitation of a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

And, now, after having gotten all that off my chest, I’m sitting here in tears because since I got that unclogged, all the good stuff is coming back to the surface of my memory.

With hopefully a softer attitude and heart, this month ALSO brought all of this:

I was able to extend grace towards our tenant who lied to me. The result of that grace has been a very contrite and thankful person. If she’s been hanging by a threat this month, at least I wasn’t there to lop it off.

I couldn’t afford to give a homeless man any money, but I did give him my hot coffee. I don’t think he expected anyone to help him that night and he was speechless. Maybe we’ll talk in heaven someday.

I was honest with the scheduler about Jake not urgently needing to get in to see a specialist and was kind about her not being able to call me back right away. She got choked up and thanked me for my honesty and told me that since I didn’t lie to her about Jake, she would try to get me in faster.

After two days with no car, I realized how spoiled I am to have a car all to myself every day. One of my friends is without a car every day and it gave me a new appreciation of her sweet attitude about her lack of traveling ability.

After the Y money debacle, I sat crying in my car, just not being able to handle one more thing. A total stranger knocked on my window and asked if I was ok and if I needed to talk. I think I managed to convey my thanks through my blubbering. I don’t care if she wasn’t technically an angel, probably, but God put her in the parking lot at that moment to be His voice to me.

Also after the Y incident, a lady offered me not only a pair of tiny scissors but a bandaid to help me patch my bleeding thumbnail back together.

After being cranky with our mechanic about how much work they said needed to be done on our truck, I was reminded, again, that everyone does have a story and that I need to not be the thing that breaks their day.

My blog got over a thousand hits a few days ago. I’m humbled by how many people have hung in there with me.

I also was amazed and blessed by how many people read and sent loving and encouraging messages after I wrote about the tough time we’re having with Jake.

I was humbled many times by the way God continues to provide for us, most of the time at the last minute. I think that God wants to see if I mean what I say about being waiting ( https://sistertwo.wordpress.com/2010/11/09/shut-up-and-wait/ ) and especially if I put it out there for everyone to read, will hold me to it.

I play with my hair when I’m mulling something over and as I sat here thinking about my horriblebutfeelingbetteraboutit November, I remembered to be thankful that unlike 8 years ago, this November I have hair. And, that it’s blue and green. That makes me happy.

I’m thankful for the few friends I have made in Colorado Springs. I can still count them on one hand, but I have them.

And, maybe best of all, Jake learned to give me kisses.

So, now I feel like I need to apologize to all of you, including, as my friend’s daughter puts it, to Baby Jesus for being so stinking cranky. I have learned the lesson, even if it has been somewhat self-inflicted) that I DO have a lot to be thankful for.

And, now I’m going to go climb into my bed. For which, I’m also thankful.





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2 Responses to I’m Thankful, Damn It!

  1. cheekypinky says:

    And this is why I love you.

    Because you are so honest when life SUCKS,
    but you also stay grounded in the reality of God’s grace
    (whether we want it to be true or not, in the fashion that He chooses to show it).

    Do you know how badly I want a girls’ day with you?

    I want it like a pair of sparkly shoes,
    a cup of perfect coffee,
    and a brand new book, friend.

  2. Ruth says:

    Poop on cheekypinky…she stole what i’s gonna say.
    but i will kinda just say it again…i love you! Thanks for being honest with us so tha we can be better friends to you…i am so thankful for you and wish i could get a Mary hug right now.

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