Airplanes and Underpants

I’m sure you will know exactly what I mean when I say that I experienced my “last straw” today. It wasn’t a really huge last straw like being hit by a car, or breast cancer, or my house burning down. It just was one more little thing that I realized could. Not. HAPPEN.

That one thing was having to pay for my underwear to travel safely in a piece of luggage checked onto my airplane. Money has been really, really, really tight for Greg and me in the last few months and with the news that our tenant is pretending like I’m immoral for asking her to pay rent and then having our next tenant get wishy washy on whether or not he is going to move in, I’d had it up to here (indicating level of “here” at my forehead). I was reviewing our sad state of our finances and laughing about how we won’t have a lot of living expenses while we are home and then remembering, with a sickening feeling,”Oh yeah, luggage prices!”

Here begins the rant. If you don’t like rants, at this point, you should probably go watch a Disney cartoon and come back in a paragraph.

Let me get this straight, Travel Industry Corporation of Evil. I have already purchased luggage and everything that is inside the luggage. I have bought a tiny and uncomfortable space to put my butt for the three hour flight. Since you charge so much money for the said space, I have chosen to forgo purchasing a ticket for my 18 month old who, when confined to tiny and uncomfortable spaces, is convinced that the only way to keep his head from falling off is to scream. So, I’ve paid the almost $1200 for three of us to sit in two seats for 12 hours and you want me to pay an additional fee for my luggage? Heck, no! I did the math, which turned out to be very boring, and you are bringing in a rough estimate of $65,000 per flight. And yes, I know that gas prices are high, you have to pay cranky flight attendants to refill my coffee and tell me to remain calm if the plane catches fire, but seriously, what the crap are you doing with the money? Every time I fly, there are at least 10 other planes queued up at the airport and many times, we’re late taking off because there are too MANY airplanes queued up. I’m pretty sure your accountants got their degrees from an Offshore University, because that HAS to be where your money is going.

So, this year, I’m not doing it. I’m not going to give you one more penny. Which just means I’m refusing to check any luggage.

Okay, the rant is over and I feel a little better, but I’m still stinking serious about not traveling with checked luggage! Which could be a challenge with a toddler. And Christmas presents. And even more Christmas presents on the way home. And I’m tiny and even though I believe I’m a Sherpa, I really can’t carry much more than Jake plus a small-ish diaper bag. So, I’m not sure how I’m going to do this, but I’m going to do it.

I have some options, which include giving presents to friends who are driving home, which will be my fate next year, or shipping things. But, I’m just enough in a perverse mood to not do it! I will travel with no checked luggage even if it means I wear five pairs of panties, two pairs of pants and ten shirts.

I just hope I won’t regret my decision when it comes time to get on the airplane!

Also, dear Travel Industry Corporation of Evil, if you do ONE more thing to annoy me, know that on the day of travel I will be carrying a pocket of blueberries. All I will need to do is SHOW one to my easygagreflex toddler and he can projectile vomit merrily until this mama is happy again. Consider yourselves warned.

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1 Response to Airplanes and Underpants

  1. Nice text , thank you.

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