It’s time I admitted that I’m high maintenance. I wish I were the kind of woman that could put her hair up in a pony tail, dash on some lipgloss, look and feel fantastic and head out into a day full of activity, accomplishments and managing life to perfection. I am not one of those women.
What I am is cranky in the morning, have weird hair, gain weight if I miss running for one day, go totally nuts without coffee and Diet Coke, and do better if I take things or or maybe two at a time. I am lazy, messy, and if left to myself, will do absolutely nothing but watch movies all day. I want to eat doritos and hot fudge sundaes every day and only read The Lord of the Rings.
If I do all of that, I feel gross. Fat. Disgusting. Greasy. Yuck. Deppressed. Tired. Cranky. Discouraged. Frustrated. As enticing as Doritos and chocolate and laziness are, it’s not worth it.
When I really mulled over what I have to do to feel good inside and out, I laughed and said, “I am really high maintenance!”.
I have to take my vitamins, drink 70 ounces of water, take my pain meds, eat well all day, journal, read my bible, tidy the house, exercise, sit in the sun, read, stretch, rest, be very careful to limit my television intake, read some more, get eight hours of sleep, and start it all over again the next morning. That is just to maintain my health and it has to happen every single day or else it all starts to slide.
Boy, has it slid recently. Which is understandable since over the last two months I’ve had two home invasions, a stolen truck, a broken car, countless hours on the phone with various insurance agents, I had the flu, Greg’s had the flu, Jake’s had the flu twice and croup one and we aren’t out of the woods for hospitilization for his low weight, I had a cyst burst and ended up in the emergency room, our finances have been shot due to our renter from Hades breaking her lease and the house, our Colorado house water heater and oven breaking, below zero weather preventing me from getting out of the house, Jake starting occupational therapy…I think I’m forgetting something.
It’s no wonder I’ve been depressed. Last night, I realized that I have got to pull out my high maintenance list and get started on being healthy again. Inside and out. I’ve added a few more things I need and want to do.
Here’s my Extra High Maintenance List:
Find a bible study. This didn’t go very well last time I tried it, but I’m going to try again. I can’t keep being lonely and too much time alone is NOT good for me. People keep me from staring at the walls and muttering to myself.
Read More/T.V. Less. I finished my last series of books and since I get emotionally attached to my books, characters, settings, etc., I go into a period of mourning for their loss after I finish. I’m going to pick up Lord of the Rings (for the eleventh time!) until I find another new set of friends. Maybe you should tell me what YOUR favorite book friends are!
Exercise more. I had to drop my YMCA membership and it’s been below freezing, which makes it challenging, and slippery, to exercise outside. Winter sports really just lead to hot chocolate, so being warm is essential! So, me, my jumprope, and my free weights will be hanging out a lot. If the weather gets above 25 degrees, I’ll be out running.
Reading my Bible. I have seen God’s love, compassion, justice and sense of humor come out more times that I can recall over the last two months. It’s become my favorite part of the day.
Plan my garden and make a Christmas paper chain to help me get to the beginning of May when I can start planting.
Take pictures. I love the place my brain goes when I’m holding my camera. It gets me outside and makes me see the world in a different way. And, every once in a long while, one turns out like this…
…or this. And, it’s thrilling.
Journaling-Introspective writing is hard and hurts right now. Processing the emotions of the last two months has been a slow process. I did something hard yesterday, something I needed to do and thought I was ready for. Afterwards, I sat down and shocked myself by bursting into tears. I am not usually surprised by my emotions, which means I still have a ways to go.
Please understand that I know that my life and emotions are kinda messed up right now. And, that I’m cool with it. I have a lot to pray through, work through and figure out. I’ve had some amazing breakthroughs which I will write about as the thoughts coalesce. I don’t love where I am right now, but pretending it’s all fine isn’t the answer.
If the first step towards health is admitting that I’m high maintenance, then I’m glad I can say it! I’m going to go put my hair in a ponytail, put on some lip gloss, and head off into the day and see what happens. Who knows? It could be fantastic!