Surgery 11: See Ya, Sucker

When I had my first surgery for breast cancer, my surgeon told me that it was an important part of the healing process to grieve for the body parts I was about to lose.  It felt weird, but taking a minute to say “goodbye” ended up being really healthy.

On May 15th, I will undergo my 11th surgery and will say goodbye to my uterus and surrounding parts.  Keeping in mind what my original surgeon told me, here is my goodbye to the parts I will lose on Friday.

Dear Uterus,

We’ve been together for 38 years.  We’ve had some ups and downs.  As I’ve grown and matured, I’ve realized that we are growing apart.  We just want different things.

You keep trying to kill me.  I would very much like to keep on living.

You have decided that spending 25 days a month in pain is a your definition of fun.  My definition of fun is a little different.

You love being a drama queen.  I would like a little less drama in my life.

You would like me to single-handedly support the “female products” companies. I’d like to focus on giving money to Ben and Jerry’s.

You love meeting doctors, nurses, and various fascinated medical students.  I’d like to have fewer of those people in my life.

You think that pain is a wonderful thing.  I think it’s dumb.

You think that making me crave cows and not caring too much about what form they take is super funny.  You might be right about that one.

You think that forcing me to carry an enormous purse full of pads, “just in case”,  is hilarious.  I’d like to just carry my wallet and keys for a while.

You love the fetal position.  I love to go running.

You enjoy making me crave potato chips, chocolate, and soda.  I like those things too, but not the feeling of wanting to kill anyone who stands between me and those things.

I’m sure you can see that I just don’t feel the same way about you anymore.  Our relationship has been causing me to be sad and tired.  I think it’s best that we go our separate ways.

In short, life as you know it is about to end.

Up yours,


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1 Response to Surgery 11: See Ya, Sucker

  1. cheekypinky says:


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